PawForBees

It’s the day after Christmas. It was an exceptional day, however so incredibly different than previous years. Having five kids and four grands, we found ourselves feeling the impact of ’empty nesting’. The entire month felt the same.

The month began with a business trip to Arizona. It’s a wonderful place to visit, considering the rain and gloomy weather of the Pacific Northwest. My husband Scott went with me due to recent medical issues, and I thank God he did. The evening of arrival, I fell ill due to a medicinal reaction, a raging body infection, and the impacts of severe PTSD. The result? Awakening mentally at 3:00 am to discover I was paralyzed, mute, and unable to alert for help. My eyes were shut, and the darkness only amplified the fear. After repeated moans as my cries for help, my husband recognizing I wasn’t having a nightmare, I was carried away to a local hospital. The trifecta of the issues caused severe sleep paralysis of my body that to this day has impacted me cognitively and physically.

Long story short, we were able to venture home after a multiple night stay in the hospital. The return was nothing short of challenging due to needing a walker with limited mobility to my left side.

I’m thankful I had my Xmas tree set up the week of Thanksgiving. December is typically filled with traditions to include multiple bake days, crafting, quilting, ice skating, holiday light tours, gingerbread decorating competitions, etc. Not this year! In fact, not a one happened.

Fast forward to yesterday and the day we historically have our kids and grands fighting for air space, the endless laughter, our annual “You Got Punked” gift exchange (that’s a fun story and tradition), food, baked goods, presents, and the more love than my heart can handle. We had ‘most’ of it, minus four kids. (One is attending vet school in Scotland, and two others live out of state. One is a complicated situation with prayer the relationship improves. That leaves the last and oldest daughter with our two granddaughters: 3 months and 5 years old). Perhaps the day fell short of traditions due to life changing, family changing, kids creating their own memories, etc.

I parted ways with the day feeling blessed and thankful for what it was. It’s likely the time to create new traditions as our family evolves. They’re all adults, in their own relationships, and with other family obligations. As the matriarch, of Latin decent, and bred with cultural traditions at the core of family, it’s a tough reality. Am I ready?

Today I reflect…. I am ready and have been. This is what I’ve been conditioning for the last year as I mentally was forced re-set, and ‘paws’ for people, purpose, passion, and peace following losing Brittney last February.

I’m emotionally private, as much as I’m an open book about everything else. I mean EVERYTHING and that’s even changed fundamentally in the last few years. I’ve learned to say it’s ‘okay to not be okay’ as well as to feel sadness. Although I’m sad this year didn’t hold many family traditions, I’m nervously excited for today, tomorrow, and next year.

Traditions evolve. Family dynamics change. It’s okay to let go of what was and focus on what I can control; me! My reactions, my mindset and my new way of thinking will carry me just fine.

Here’s what I’m doing to overcome holiday blues, nervousness, anxiety, sadness, anger, etc.

1. Saying to myself that it’s okay to not be okay.
2. Reach out to a friend(s) to hang. Not everything requires partying, drinking, and chaos. We made ugly sweaters this year as a NEW potential tradition! Thanks, TT, Staci, Jodi, and Amber! I look forward to my ‘girl’ time, and really look forward to porch-time when the weather changes. Laughter, reflection, and love is endless with besties!
3. Avoid New Year Resolutions. Write yourself a letter affirming your focus areas. Read it daily, as I did most days in 2025.
   • What do you want to do, go, be, focus on?
4. Find hobbies; reading, crafting, quilting, exercise, puzzles, etc.
5. Consider a side hustle like walking neighbor pets.
6. VOLUNTEER and be a community giver!
7. SEEK help if something is difficult to overcome to avoid it manifesting to something greater.
8. Eat, sleep, exercise and find a healthy work/life balance. Working from home poses its own challenges of walking away. WALK AWAY when the day is done.
9. Listen to music, podcast, meditation, etc.
10. Say to yourself that you’re not needing to be perfect. You ALREADY ARE! Be the better version compared to yesterday. BABY STEPS.

I’m thankful and blessed for my family, besties, my life, career, and my two amazing fur babies (Milo and Bailey). They have given me an abundance of grace. Today, I give it to myself. Okay…. maybe the tree will be tossed down the driveway fully decorated. Maybe I’ll keep it up all year because of dreading the task of removing 800 ornaments. I give myself grace to say I’m okay because of medication, therapy, and finding the reason to “Paws for Bees” to fulfill passion, purpose, peace, and help other people.

We got this! You got this! I got this!